“You Shall Love Your Neighbor As Yourself” (Leviticus 19:18)

The Perfect Father’s Day Gift

My First Try at the Perfect Gift Was Rejected by my Wife and Daughter

Father’s Day is just around the corner, and I have been searching for the perfect Father’s Day gift recommendation. 

I had a great one (I thought) that I was going to tell you about – that is until my wife and daughter told me I was telling people to be cruel to animals.  It is the squirrel spinner that masquerades as a bird feeder – see picture below).  

Squirrel hanging on to the side of a green bird feeder.

While all the men I showed this to thought it was the “best Father’s Day gift ever,” women said I was disgusting and refused to talk to me for hours. 

So, I am not recommending the Yankee Flipper Bird Feeder (even though you can buy it for only $169.00 on Amazon.com, there is still time to have it delivered before Father’s Day, and it will provide hours of entertainment to the men in the family).

My Second Attempt At The Perfect Father’s Day Gift Is A Winner!!!

After rejecting the Squirrel Spinner, I went back to basics and researched problems that have haunted our household for years. 

My two most pressing problems with no obvious answer or readably available product to improve my life are

“Why do the teenagers think dirty socks add rustic charm to the

living room?”

Pair of black shoes with red insoles and a pair of black and grey socks lying across the top.

and

“How did the dog learn to open the refrigerator door?”

A broward labrador sitting inside a white mini refrigerator.

But, after only a little more thought, I realized that I had been dogged by another single problem my entire life that I couldn’t solve: 

Why is it that even though I use all of the products sold by Scott’s Lawn and Garden Care, by mid-July, my lawn looks brown and resembles a depression-era dust bowl?

A man wear a maroon t-shirt and jeans pulling weeds and next to him is a child size lawn mower.

The Wall Street Journal Solves The Problem – Paint The Lawn

So I started researching the issue and learned that the Wall Street Journal provided an unexpected, lawn-transforming Father’s Day suggestion. 

Folks, according to the Wall Street Journal, fathers no longer need to try to figure out why the grass is brown – all they need to do is paint the lawn green!

Yes, you read that right!  Amid the concrete jungle and the relentless struggles of everyday life, there is a simple, unique, and obvious solution: paint the lawn.

Yellow background with a strip of green paint that looks like a lawn.

Don’t Just Buy Dad A Can Of Paint And A Roller

For Father’s Day, I am not suggesting you buy a can of paint and give Dad a paintbrush and roller. 

Instead, while Dad is at work, have a professional lawn painting service turn your patchy, brownish-green turf into a lush, emerald oasis.  

Dad will come home and be surprised at how you transformed his moonscape into a lush green paradise in just a day. 

Essential Helpful Tips

But hold on!  Before you rush off to turn the lawn into a psychedelic art piece, here are a few helpful hints my research has uncovered:

1.  Go Lead-Free:  Ensure the paint used is lead-free.  We’re going for a ‘refreshing green oasis,’ not a ‘toxic waste dump.’ The dog is already dumb enough.  Imagine what will happen if it eats lead-based paint!

2.  Avoid Christmas Red:  While turning your lawn into a red Christmas tree might sound fun, it can be disorienting for the local wildlife, not to mention your neighbors.  

A white colonial style house with a lawn painted red.

3.  Skip Water-Based Paints:  Despite their eco-friendly credentials, water-based paints will likely wash away with the first hint of rain or sprinkler use.  Remember, we’re aiming for a green lawn, not green runoff.

4.  Always wear protective gear when walking or playing on the lawn: It’s best to wear a full hazmat suit when walking or playing on the lawn.  The long-term health effects of exposure to lawn paint are not yet known.  And, after painting, it is a good bet that the grass blades will be sharp as glass and could cause injury.  Here is a good rule of thumb: unless you regularly walk on painted walls, don’t walk on the lawn. 

Man and a woman dressed head to toe in a white hazmat suit wearing masks and gloves.

Your Dad’s Lawn Will Be Better Than A Vegas Casino

With these precautions in mind, rest assured that your lawn won’t resemble a garish Vegas showpiece – it will be a garish Vegas showpiece. 

So, leave the ties hanging and the golf clubs in the store for this Father’s Day.  Resist the urge to buy yet another set of BBQ tools.  Instead, pick up your phone and schedule that lawn painting appointment.  

Easier Than Painting The Town Red!!!

Remember, when Dad exclaims, “You painted the lawn green?” just reply with a grin, “Yes, Dad, and it was easier than painting the town red.”

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Here’s to verdant lawns, happy Dads, and a spectacular Father’s Day!

Mark Sunshine

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