“You Shall Love Your Neighbor As Yourself” (Leviticus 19:18)
Every few days, I see a newspaper story that I simply can’t believe is true. And, today is one of those days.
Exercise While High?
Apparently, the newest fitness craze in Los Angeles is to exercise after getting high.
I saw this story reported in the Los Angeles Times (link to the story here), and then immediately thought to myself…I need to find out more about this.
I always thought that pot and exercise didn’t go together…apparently, I was wrong.
With today’s news, I think we can throw out the old stereotype of a fat and lazy pothead hanging out in his parent’s basement, with no motivation and only wanting to play video games.
Today’s pothead (pictured below) is a buff and toned Angeleno who is just as likely to break into dance as riding her stationary bike.
Every new bizarre craze comes from California
Now, I don’t know about you, but I believe that almost every bizarre craze during my lifetime originated in Los Angeles.
For example, did you ever wonder where the lava lamp came from?
Or, ouji boards?
And, let’s not forget about platform shoes.
It is my opinion that you can get stoned, or you can work out, but you cannot work out while stoned…
The woman below is a trained professional stoner/trainer showing us her technique of smoking a joint while lifting 2 lb weights.
I do not believe that this woman’s exercise technique will do much. 1 lb hand weights being lifted while getting high…well…it isn’t exactly hard exercise.
But, if you want to partake, we have a recommendation. After all, why should pot and exercise be only for Californians?
On the Stoned + Toned website, for only $9.99/month (weed not included), you will receive non-personalized training and anonymous low-tech internet group classes led by women who probably have no idea what they are doing but are stoned while doing it.
According to the Stoned + Toned home page, this is the internet site where cannabis meets cardio.
And, with a website like Stoned + Toned as your guide, what could go wrong?
Of course, we want to emphasize “safety first.”
As such, there are a few tips I want to give everyone.
1. If you are going to be high when you exercise, plan ahead. You need to make sure you have a designated driver (in case you get the sudden urge to go to White Castle or Taco Bell).
2. If you have primary custody of your children, ensure Child Protective Services (or your ex-spouse) doesn’t find out about your newest exercise plan.
3. Do not attempt to combine work, getting high, and exercise all in the same 60-minute time slot. You are not in your teens anymore and you could get hurt.
4. Please do not forget, if you get paranoid and start to believe that aliens from outer space are trying to read your thoughts and control your mind, it is just weed speaking. It will not be a good excuse in front of a judge if you act on those impulses.
What’s It Like To Exercise While High?
I am not sure. I had never done it (and running from the police when I was 14 years old doesn’t count as relevant experience).
However, maybe the Toned + Stoned professionals can help. Below are screenshots from the Toned + Stoned website so you can get an idea of what you are missing.
Please note that smoking while exercising is not recommended for cardiac rehab patients. It could result in loss of life.
The above women appear to be having fun while doing next to nothing resembling physical exercise. And, below is a picture of the woman on the above right demonstrating the correct inhalation techniques (breathing) for when you are working out while smoking weed.
According to some people, after a weed workout, you won’t need to re-hydrating.
Instead, you will need to focus on keeping your critical THC levels up. I believe that after exercising, a few hard hits will do the trick.
Below are some of the Stoned + Toned instructors in front of a hemp field demonstrating how they are able to lift their legs in the air and stand on one foot while raising a hand in the air despite being high as a kite. Notice that the woman on the right is starting to lean backward and will soon tip over. As such, we don’t recommend this complicated movement unless you have a spotter to catch you (preferably someone strong and not high).
Other News You Should Never Use
The Stoned + Toned people also provide all sorts of other advice, such as:
1. How to choose the correct strain of weed for your workout;
2. How much weed do you need to smoke to be really high; and
3. How to stay motivated, active, and high 24/7.
Call someone else for advice. If you call me, assuming I don’t die from smoking and exercising, I will probably be high and I would not trust the advice that I give anyone in that condition (other than a foolproof plan to find a White Castle).